Pregnancy is sexy…this is a reality that is so hard for many women and men to grasp, not only because of what society teaches us about what is or should be sexy, but because of all the changes our bodies go through that we see as “ugly” or even “disgusting”. Throughout my two pregnancies and from what I have learned from my first birth and from my relationship with my husband, I discovered that I have lost most of my sexy. I used to be vibrantly sexy, meaning I felt passion, desire and sexiness when it came to myself, my life, and my relationship with my husband. But somewhere between taking care of our new baby girl and having my mother-in-law living with us at that crucial time in our lives, we started struggling emotionally, and of course a physical relationship is hard to keep up as first time parents (or second, or third time parents…), which didn’t help up in our attempts at reconnecting.
I am certainly not alone when it comes to facing stresses like these. These are struggles that many first time mothers go through, and if we don’t remember to bring our sexy back, I believe it creates a real imbalance in our lives. Especially if we choose to have more children! Thankfully, my husband and I have adjusted and regained our intimacy, but I haven’t been feeling “vibrantly sexy” for a while, and now I am trying to get it back! Changes in our bodies that we see in a negative light, because they are ugly or uncomfortable, are far too easy to focus on. We have to remember to find our positives and flaunt those! Positives may include that pregnancy “glow”, that adorable baby bump, that thick shinning head of hair, the increase of breast voluptuousness (bigger boobies!), the increased sex drive, or just the radiant joy of knowing that you are carrying a miracle.
Through all of my reading and research on pregnancy and birth I finally discovered how important my intimate relationship between myself and my husband and my feelings about myself and my body will be during my labor and birth, as well as my postpartum experience. Our baby was created in a dark, safe, and intimate space of love, trust, and pleasurable emotions free from fear and pain, and this is the same environment that I want our baby to be born in. It is not the same as making love obviously! But the love and intimacy and the trust you create with your partner is vital for a woman in labor. It will not only create an easier labor for the mother, but can make labor and birth an even more profound and strengthening experience for our relationship and for ourselves as individuals.
In his book Husband Coached Childbirth, Dr. Robert A Bradley writes, “…your wife must be…supported, loved, guided, directed and encouraged”, and of course if the woman does not have a person with her such as a husband or partner, then a friend, family member, doula or nurse can be the labor coach. As I have mentioned before, our nurse, Heather, was so incredibly important to our first daughter’s birth, she showed my husband how to coach me and he took over from there, becoming my rock.
Dr. Bradley’s book helped me realize the importance of a labor support person and the importance of my husband’s role when I read his book during my first pregnancy. My new realizations about myself and my life have stemmed from reading the book Orgasmic Birth: Your Guide to a Safe, Satisfying, and Pleasurable Birth Experience by Elizabeth Davis and Debra Pascali-Bonaro. Trust me, it’s not what you think! At least, not all of it! This book is about how to achieve something more than lovemaking, it is about discovering birth as a spiritual and unforgettable moment that is beyond words, about the passion of the gift of life, and experiencing birth as the miracle that it truly is: the “welcoming” into our world and celebration of the greatest gift and the greatest love that we can or will ever experience in our lives.
So, back to the sexiness of pregnancy, or in other words, back to myself and my passions for life. How will I get it back? The Orgasmic Birth has some great steps, but I am still in the middle of this book, so I will have to come back to that. Steps I can make for myself include listening to more music that ignites joy and vibrancy from within, taking up belly dancing again, being as healthy as I can, meditating in the present moment, and looking at gorgeous and inspiring photos of other pregnant women or families with newborns such as the ones I have included in this post, and maybe taking some of our own pictures like these. Oh, I also bought a sexy nursing bra by Hot Milk and I plan on buying more sexy maternity and postpartum wear that make me not only feel like I am still a woman, but a sexy and beautiful woman.